AviExpressONLINE

Careers at AviExpress

Join the team that never delivers (on promises or packages)

Why Work With Us?

At AviExpress, we pride ourselves on creating a work environment that perfectly mirrors our business model: chaotic, unpredictable, and full of creative excuses. If you're looking for a job where your skills in procrastination and excuse-making will be celebrated rather than criticized, you've found your home.

Our CEO, Avi, believes in a unique management style that involves forgetting meetings, misplacing important documents, and promising promotions that never materialize.

"I'm an amazing boss! I would write you a recommendation letter, but I can't find a pen. I'll definitely do your performance review next week. Or the week after. Have I paid you this month?" - Avi, CEO

AviExpress Office

Benefits

  • Unlimited unpaid time off
  • Free excuses for any occasion
  • Potential salary (when Avi remembers)
  • Office snacks (that Avi already ate)

Non-Benefits

  • Actual career advancement
  • Reliable paychecks
  • Organized workspace
  • Competent management

Open Positions

Professional Excuse Writer

Full-Time
Remote (Avi's imagination)
$Competitive* (*when paid)
Posted: Yesterday (allegedly)

We're seeking a creative individual who can craft believable excuses for why customer orders haven't shipped, why the website is down, or why Avi missed the investor meeting. The ideal candidate will have experience in fiction writing, improvisation, and keeping a straight face while delivering completely implausible stories.

Requirements:

  • Bachelor's degree in Creative Writing, Theater, or Pathological Lying
  • 5+ years experience making excuses (personal or professional)
  • Ability to come up with new excuses on tight deadlines
  • Portfolio of previous excuses that actually worked

Chief Procrastination Officer

Part-Time
Hybrid (when we find the office)
Negotiable (but never finalized)
Posted: Meant to post last month

We're looking for someone who can elevate procrastination to an art form. As our CPO, you'll be responsible for developing new strategies to delay work, creating innovative reasons why tasks can't be completed now, and mentoring junior staff in the fine art of putting things off until tomorrow.

Requirements:

  • Master's degree in any field (incomplete is preferred)
  • Proven track record of missing deadlines
  • Expert knowledge of Netflix, YouTube, and other productivity killers
  • Ability to look busy while accomplishing nothing

Delivery Avoidance Specialist

Contract
On the road (but never arriving)
Commission-based (theoretical)
Posted: Just now

As a Delivery Avoidance Specialist, you'll be responsible for ensuring packages never reach their destination. This involves creative route planning that avoids all possible delivery addresses, developing new ways to mark packages as "attempted delivery" without actually attempting delivery, and crafting elaborate stories about why delivery was impossible.

Requirements:

  • Driver's license (expired preferred)
  • Poor sense of direction
  • Ability to hide packages in plain sight
  • Experience with "doorbell ditch" or similar games

Application Process

Our hiring process is as efficient as our delivery service. Here's what to expect:

  1. Submit your application (which we may or may not receive)
  2. Wait 3-6 months for a response (or forever, we're not great with emails)
  3. Interview with Avi (if he remembers to show up)
  4. Receive a job offer (verbally, we don't do paperwork)
  5. Start working (maybe, if we remember we hired you)

Send your resume to careers@aviexpress.online with the subject line "I'm Perfect for This Job Because I'll Never Actually Do It"