Avi's Excuse Archive

"Your package is currently lost in my room, somewhere between my laundry pile and snack collection."

"I've misplaced your order but promise I'll start looking for it next week."

"I remembered your order exists! Then immediately forgot again."

"Your package is currently serving as my coffee coaster."

"I'm currently using your package as a pillow during my 'strategic planning nap'."

"Your package was last seen being used as a doorstop in my apartment."

"I handed your package to a courier, but the courier was actually my imaginary friend."

"Your order is delayed because I decided to use the shipping box for my cat's new bed."

"I accidentally used your shipping label to mail my laundry to my mother."

"Your package is currently on an unexpected detour through my favorite vacation spots."

"I can't process your payment because my calculator ran out of batteries."

"Your refund is pending because I spent the money on snacks, but I promise to pay you back once I win the lottery."

"I would have finished the project, but my pet rock needed emergency attention."

"I'm running late because I got trapped in a Wikipedia rabbit hole about the history of spoons."

"I can't make it to your party because I'm attending a very important meeting with my bed and pillow."

"The product description said 'waterproof' but it didn't specify which waters it's proof against. Apparently not coffee."

"I had to cancel our date because my imaginary friend is going through a tough breakup and needs my support."

"I couldn't ship your order because the shipping labels ran away. They're very sensitive."

"I missed the meeting because my alarm clock has separation anxiety and didn't want to wake me up."

"Your product arrived damaged because I was testing its durability. It failed."