How to Order
A step-by-step guide to ordering products that Avi will never deliver
Welcome to the AviExpress ordering guide! Follow these simple steps to place an order that will immediately be forgotten by Avi and never shipped to your address. It's a seamless process designed to give you the full experience of disappointment and broken promises.
"I've streamlined our ordering process to make it super easy for customers to give me money for products they'll never receive. It's really the perfect business model when you think about it!" - Avi
Browse Products
Explore our extensive catalog of products that exist only in Avi's imagination. Marvel at the creative descriptions and impossible promises.
Pro Tips:
- Use the search bar to find products that don't exist more efficiently
- Browse categories to discover new ways Avi can disappoint you
- Check out "Avi's Flash Deals" for the biggest discounts on items you'll never receive
- Read product reviews from other customers who are still waiting for their orders
Add to Cart
Select your desired items and add them to your cart. Feel free to add as many as you want – since none will be delivered, quantity is just a number!
Pro Tips:
- Click "Add to Cart" or "Buy Now" buttons to initiate the disappointment process
- Adjust quantities to control how much money you're willing to give Avi for nothing
- The cart icon will show a number representing your poor financial decisions
- Review your cart to ensure you've selected the perfect combination of non-deliverable items
Create an Account
Sign up for an AviExpress account so we can store your information and occasionally send you fake shipping updates and creative excuses.
Pro Tips:
- Use a real email address if you want to receive Avi's creative excuses
- Create a strong password to protect the order history of items you never received
- Fill out your profile completely so Avi knows exactly where not to deliver your packages
- Existing customers can simply log in to continue their journey of disappointment
Checkout Process
Enter your shipping and payment information. Don't worry about accuracy – Avi won't be shipping anything anyway, but we will definitely charge your card.
Pro Tips:
- Double-check your shipping address (for the illusion of potential delivery)
- Select your preferred payment method – we accept all major credit cards and dreams
- Review your order total, including Avi's "Procrastination Fee"
- Enter promo codes if you have them (they probably won't work, but it's fun to try)
Order Confirmation
Receive your order confirmation and begin the eternal wait. This is where the real AviExpress experience begins – the art of waiting for something that will never arrive.
Pro Tips:
- Save your order confirmation email as a memento of your financial decision
- Check your order status daily for creative updates on why your package is delayed
- Share your order number with friends so they can join you in waiting
- Start a countdown timer to forever – it helps manage expectations
What Happens After You Order?
Processing
Avi will carefully read your order, then immediately forget about it while your money is processed successfully.
Waiting
You'll receive periodic updates with increasingly creative excuses about why your order is delayed.
"Shipping"
Your order status will eventually change to "shipped" despite the package never leaving Avi's imagination.
Important Note from Avi
"I want to personally assure you that I take your orders very seriously. I think about them often, usually while I'm doing literally anything else besides processing and shipping them. Your continued patience and financial support of my procrastination lifestyle is deeply appreciated. Rest assured, I have every intention of shipping your order... eventually... maybe... probably not."
Ready to Experience the AviExpress Difference?
Start Shopping NowRemember: At AviExpress, it's not about the destination (you'll never get your package), it's about the journey (of increasingly creative excuses).
Need more information? Check out our other helpful guides: